Who is your audience?

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues (Proverbs 17:27-28)

A saint was visiting a village he hadn’t been to before, and a woman saw him and brought her sick child to him to pray for healing. Curious and intrigued, a crowd formed around the saint, and one of the villagers shouted at him, “Do you really think that your prayer will help her when medicine has failed?” The saint responded to the man telling him to shut up because he had no understanding of what was happening. The man was furious that he spoke to him so disrespectfully and even wanted to punch him. The saint then walked up to him and said, “If one word has such power as to make you so angry and hot, may not another have the power to heal?” Moral of the story: How and when you use words determines what you get from them.

Joseph and his dreams

In Genesis 37, the Bible tells us about Joseph, the second-last born of 12 brothers. He was his dad’s favorite, and Jacob, the dad, made no effort to hide it, as shown by the “coat of many colors” which he gave Joseph as a gift (Genesis 37:3). This overt show was a recipe for disaster because “when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him” (Genesis 37:4).

Now, Joseph had two specific dreams, which showed that he would one day be superior to his brothers. He told his family the dreams saying, “We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it” (Genesis 37:7). With the backdrop of understandable sibling rivalry, Joseph was very unwise to tell his brothers about such things, amazing as they may be. But even though they hated him even more after hearing about that dream, Joseph had a second dream and thought they also needed to know. He tells them, “I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me” (Genesis 37:9).

Foolish, right? And yet, in hindsight, we know that the dreams were indeed from God but in the moment, they didn’t seem like something that someone sensible would tell their ‘enemies’ let alone tell them twice! It makes me wonder about the people we talk to and what we tell them. The things you have to say may be “true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable… excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:6). Yet, within the wrong context, they will either be unprofitable or worse, counterproductive.

The parable of the sower

All this reminds me of the parable of the sower in Matthew 13:1-23. The parable says that a farmer went out to plant his seeds and landed in four distinct places: the path, rocky places, among thorns, and on good soil. Even though the seeds were the same, each area gave different ends to the seeds because of how different the environment was. On the path, “the birds came and ate it up.” In the rocky places, the seeds “sprang up quickly because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.” In the thorny areas, the thorns “grew up and choked the plants.” However, “other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown” (Matthew 13:1-8). How, then does this connect with the words we speak?

First, when the Bible says that “a farmer went out to sow his seed,” it shows intentionality. It wasn’t an accident; it was a conscious decision. The words we speak are intentional whether we mean them or not. Deuteronomy 30:19 says, “This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” God is the primary source of our life (Deuteronomy 30:20; John 1:4; Acts 17:28) because we come from Him (Genesis 1:26). However, one way we ‘choose life’ is through the words we speak. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.” Joseph was right to speak honestly, but his lack of wisdom had him bear the consequences of his words.

The audience matters

Returning to the sower parable, we see that the landing ground of the seeds determined what happened afterward. Similarly, the consequences of the words we speak often have a link to the audience hearing us. 1 Corinthians 1:18 says, “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” The same word; different audience. What are the kinds of audiences?

1. The path

Matthew 13:4 states that “some [seeds] fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up.” In His explanation of the parable, Jesus says that it refers to seeds that the enemy “comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart.” Such people come in two shades: the scornful and the smotherers. The scornful are obvious. They make you feel as though you can’t do it. They poke at your shortcomings, insecurities, and struggles and use them as reasons for your inevitable downfall. Sanballat and Tobiah (Nehemiah 2:19-20) were such people. Thankfully they failed in their mission because the Israelites completed rebuilding the wall.

The second category often overlooked is the smotherers. They will, honestly, want ‘the best’ for you and therefore love you right into an unfulfilled destiny. They may say things like, “Isn’t that too dangerous?” or “Are you willing to lose that relationship after all they’ve done for you?” It sounds like they care, which they often do, but they could keep you from divine obedience and its related blessings.

When Caleb and the spies when to survey the land God gave to the Israelites in Numbers 13-14, the spies reported to Moses, “We entered the land you sent us to explore, and it is indeed a bountiful country—a land flowing with milk and honey…But the people living there are powerful, and their towns are large and fortified. We even saw giants there, the descendants of Anak.” But then Caleb giving a different opinion, said, “Let’s go at once to take the land. We can certainly conquer it!” (Numbers 13:27-28).

God’s response to the fear and doubt of the Israelites and the bravery and trust of Caleb and Joshua was, “[The Israelites] will never even see the land I swore to give their ancestors… But my servant Caleb has a different attitude than the others have. He has remained loyal to me, so I will bring him into the land he explored. His descendants will possess their full share of that land” (Numbers 14:23-24). The people reacted logically – why would they want to take land away from warriors, let alone giants?! But Caleb knew what God promised and stood on that promise.

Just like Jesus spoke about the words being snatched away by the enemy, the Israelites had their rightful inheritance taken from them. Because the people failed to believe the words (seeds fallen on the path), the promise was of no profit to them. The promise God gave them didn’t take root in their hearts. They wandered in the desert until they all died, and only Joshua and Caleb saw the promised land (Numbers 14:28-30). God said, “You will all drop dead in this wilderness!” (Numbers 14:29). So harsh! But that’s the severity of the consequences of many of our actions. One silly word spoken to the wrong person can cost us our destiny.

2. The rocky ground

The second kind of place where the seeds fell was the rocky ground. The parable explains that there was little soil here, and the plant sprang up quickly, but when the sun came up, it scorched the plant, causing it to wither and die because it had no roots. This rocky ground is representative of an audience that “receives [your words] with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away” (Matthew 13:20-21). Such people listen and are super excited about what you have to say. In Joseph’s case, if they had heard about his dreams and seen his fantastic future, they would have flocked around him and cheered him toward fulfilling those dreams. But as soon as ‘trouble or persecution’ would come in forms such as imprisonment that Joseph endured, they would be the first to disappear.

The story that comes to mind is that of Peter, a disciple of Jesus. Peter swore repeatedly that he would never leave Jesus (Matthew 26:34-35). When Judas betrayed Jesus, and the soldiers came for Him, Peter had a sword and cut off someone’s ear, but Jesus rebuked him (John 18:10-11). But when Jesus was finally arrested and taken to trial, Peter denied Jesus three times to three different people (Luke 22:54-62) just as Jesus predicted (Matthew 26:34). Similarly, people who hear you and get overly excited may sometimes fail to be with you to the end. Joseph interpreted the dreams of the cupbearer and the baker in Genesis 40. Both interpretations came true, and Joseph even told the cupbearer, “But when all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness; mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison” (Genesis 40:14). Unfortunately, the Bible records that “the chief cupbearer, however, did not remember Joseph; he forgot him” (Genesis 40:23). 

When we speak to people, especially about things that are very important to us, they may take up our words, and even when they mean well, they may not sustain the motivation to stay with us on our journey. This dying flame may cause us a lot of discouragement and even make us give up. It may not even be their fault because we all have our challenges in life; managing to keep up with someone else’s may be difficult. Therefore, we must be careful about who we share information with because they may lack the stamina to help us see the victorious end of our mission.

3. The thorny place

The third landing ground was among the thorns. Here, the seeds grew but choked and died. Jesus explains that these are the people who receive the word but “the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful” (Matthew 13:22). This audience in your life will hear what you have to say. Still, it will eventually get to where they tell you, “Get real!” They are like those on the path that have their words stolen or those on the rocks that end as quickly as they begin. But here, they get to a point where the external challenges get them to walk away.

In John 21, after the suffering, death, and resurrection of Jesus, some of the disciples are seen to have returned to their fishing vocation. Jesus intended that they would preach the Good News after His death, but they had returned to what was familiar to them – fishing. I think what they did was perfectly rational. They were in a place where their leader was gone, and now, they had to depend on themselves. They knew they had to find a way to survive with physical needs to meet. They, therefore, headed back to the thing they knew how to do. Jesus told them, “Feed my lambs” (John 21:15). They were called to something much greater than satisfying their physical hunger; they were called to nourish people’s spiritual needs.

Peter may have felt guilty after denying Jesus and may not have felt worthy still to be part of the bearers of the Gospel. But just as Peter denied Jesus three times, Jesus gave Him the opportunity to say he loved Jesus three times (John 21:15-18). After this redemption, Peter may have fished but pursued his primary calling as a follower of Christ and bearer of the Gospel. Jesus said of him, “you are Peter (which means ‘rock’), and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it” (Matthew 16:16-17). A significant portion of the book of Acts of the Apostle documents the work of the disciples, particularly Peter. We may grow when we speak to people who quench our flame with worries about life rather than the fantastic possibilities of doing what we need to do. Still, our growth will be unfruitful because, eventually, we will suffocate, and our dreams will die.

4. Good soil

Finally, Jesus said that some of the seeds fell on good soil, referring to “someone who hears the word and understands it” (Matthew 13:23). Such people produce varied harvest levels. Have you ever talked with someone about a venture you want to pursue, and you feel you’re reenergized for the work ahead of you? That’s how amazing it can be to talk to the right people. They add to your ideas, share their resources and encourage your efforts, believing you can achieve what you’ve decided to do. Their belief in your vision almost scares you!

When we see the miraculous nature of the Gospel, one of the people that have always struck me as having strangely received salvation was the Ethiopian Eunuch in Acts 8:26-40. This man was on his chariot reading Isaiah 53 – the prophecy of Jesus’s suffering – and barely understood the scripture. However, he discerned that it must be something worth reading. God then sent the disciple Phillip his way, and he “opened his mouth, and beginning with this Scripture he told him the good news about Jesus” (Acts 8:35). As they proceeded on the journey, the eunuch saw some body of water and asked “What prevents me from being baptized?” (Acts 8:36). That’s how he heard the word, believed it, and committed his life to it! After that, “the Spirit of the Lord carried Philip away, and the eunuch saw him no more, and went on his way rejoicing” (Acts 8:39). It doesn’t get cooler than that!

There are people in life who just know that whatever you have to say is very important and want to be a part of it. They can discern, often by the leading of the Holy Spirit, that they want to offer any assistance they can. In Christianity, they are called destiny helpers. Some may not give you resources except a listening ear; it may be all you need. Some may mention your name in the right place at the right time. Some will call you unceasingly when they know you’re not okay, even if you push them away (like my husband, my friend at that time, used to do about a decade ago when I was pregnant and depressed). Such people go the extra mile even when it inconveniences them. There aren’t many such people in this life but when you meet just one or two, you’re golden. In the words of Proverbs 18:24, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Conclusion

We must have the intelligence, by the discernment of the Holy Spirit, to know what we say and to whom we say those things. While the message may be impressive, it could rub others off the wrong way and cost you your destiny. We should also be careful to let in the right people. Proximity doesn’t automatically translate into intimacy. Some people closest to us may be the wrong audience for what God has put on our hearts, while those far away may receive it with gladness. Jesus spoke about this very thing when He returned to His hometown and couldn’t do any miracles because they had unbelief (Matthew 13:53-58). They knew Him as a young kid, grew into a teenager and adult, they knew his parents and their work, and they couldn’t think that that kid who would run around the town was the Messiah. It cost them healing, deliverance, and salvation because they couldn’t receive the words He spoke to them. What are you saying that may be true but to the wrong people? What vision are you sharing that may suffer discouragement because you told it to a cynical friend? Most importantly, are you choosing to be good soil to those around you? Because of your love and support, they could reap a harvest if you stay the course with them (Galatians 6:9).