Mask off

“In a society that profits from your self-doubt, loving yourself is a rebellious act”
Unknown

There was once a lovely young girl whose heart was purple. She loved fast cars and being behind the wheel just as much as she loved silent afternoons reading under a tree on a quiet Wednesday afternoon. She enjoyed spending time with her family and very few close friends over a homemade meal. Her closet was full of jeans and t-shirts with the occasional dress to hush the judgmental looks during modest family gatherings. Otherwise, sneakers and gents’ watches made her heart sing. With more exposure to the world around her, she noticed that the more widely acceptable wardrobe included the floral dress accentuating an hourglass physique coupled with makeup which was artistically contoured to really bring out that feminine facial structure, not to mention the high heels whose height could leave your legs’ calf muscles crying harder than a baby in a dirty diaper.

She wondered why she felt differently about all these things. Why didn’t they understand the warmth of a good pair of jeans, the versatility of a neutral-colored shirt and the comfort of converse sneakers! She felt like something was wrong with her purple heart not knowing that she was making a comparison with one that was yellow whose inclination was towards the trendy and enjoyed keeping up with the latest fashion. She tried to make adjustments to be more “acceptable” but it only led to frustration because it was tough to keep up.

Before I continue the rest of this story, I know you already know where this is going. We often know who we are: what we like and dislike, what we stand for or don’t, and what we agree with or don’t. Unfortunately, we don’t always do what we know we should. We put up a façade depending on what we ‘think’ we should be like and suppress what we imagine to be unacceptable. Now, this isn’t a free ticket to raise hell in the name of “This is who I am. Deal with it!” because it goes without saying that all this is within obvious limits of morality, norms and the law which we usually know exist. However, we have to be true to what God put in us with the inclusion of all our uniqueness and most importantly, without apology. The Bible states that “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” (Philippians 2:13) which means that God made us want to please Him and to have the ability to do so, and therefore we are created to this end.

What happens then is that God creates us to uniquely please Him in who we are but then we get busy trying to be someone else. Here’s a metaphor: God created Jill to please Him in a way that only Jill can but she’s trying to be Joy who isn’t even trying to be Joy because she wants to be like Jemima. In the end, no one is exploring their uniqueness and living the best of who they were created to be. One of the worst consequences of this is that we end up making unreal connections and wearing masks which aren’t compatible with who we are. We have purple hearts but wear red masks, have yellow hearts but green masks. People walk around seeking yellow hearts which they assume are in yellow masks then end up being shortchanged because they signed up for the wrong person when they start to get to know each other. Even as parents, we encourage our children to embrace who they are but then they watch the disparity in what we say and how we act. Kids can tell when we’re faking it and it usually doesn’t end well when they learn to emulate the ability to fake reality because regardless of how many times you tell them, they may never get the confidence to truly accept and live out who they are. The best chance we have of getting our kids to embrace their individuality is to act out our own.

Another horrible consequence would be that we attract people who are attracted to the person we behave as though we are. If you don’t like keeping up with fashion trends and prefer your feet to be closest to the ground but are constantly in flashy dresses and back-breaking stilettos, then you will be miserable in a relationship with someone who fell for you for your choice of dressing, and you’ll be even more frustrated when they expect that you keep up your fashion choices. Wearing a purple mask when you have a red heart sets a standard for you that you are not built to sustain and you eventually remain unhappy and unfulfilled when you fail to reach your unrealistic expectations.
So back to the story of the girl with the purple heart. Eventually, she understood the beauty and uniqueness of her purple heart and how it wasn’t made to be anything else. She learned to be content with the color of her heart. She went on to explore unchartered territories in who she was and found new joys in learning to embrace the awesome and grow from the areas that needed changing – like her insane love for fast food – to make her a better person. It may still be a work in progress but she doesn’t feel the need to paint her heart yellow like the fashionista, green like Miss Independent or even blue like the super healthy vegetarian. Can she pick beautiful parts of these coloured hearts? Most definitely! But she should never feel that she is wrong for being who she is.

I am the girl with a purple heart and every description I have given is who I am and what I like (and people who know me are now like “I KNEW IT!”) It took longer than it should have for me to accept and embrace who I am without the burden of expectations of what ‘acceptable’ is. I sometimes still question myself but every time, I choose the path of growth which leads to being a more fulfilled person rather than the path of comparison which leads to discontent. I pray that I can learn to embrace this freedom, not just so that I can be happy but so that my daughter will one day see how proudly I wear my purple heart and choose to wear hers for herself. Only then will I truly have left a legacy of the beauty of uniqueness to my child.