Motherhood, whether unwed or not, is often one of the most beautiful and fulfilling experience in life. One look at that baby’s eyes and it’s almost indescribable how taken you are by the existence of just one human being. However, this experience is often very significantly affected by the father of the child, whether he be present or absent.
So this month, our theme will be about the other person responsible for the creation of this beautiful bundle of joy (most of the time, at least). The role of the baby’s father is crucial and can never be understated regardless of what the situation is. I would therefore like to explore the major categories of the kinds of baby daddies out there.
Caveat: This list is definitely not exhaustive and the categories are not mutually exclusive. By this, I mean that I haven’t made a full representation of these men but in some way, they usually fall in one or more of these categories.
Baby daddy #1: The ghost
He is usually negligent and the first out the door when you so much as mention anything relating to a pregnancy. This may either be someone you barely know and so it was more or less a fling or it may even be that you’re in a relationship with this person and their character just isn’t one that shows any form of responsibility. They are very unreliable and often only show up when sex or another benefit is involved.
The ghost may often be the one who is just never there and so more often than not, you may need to be the sole provider and nurturer of your child. Take heart. It’s not the end of the world. You will survive just as may before you have.
Baby Daddy #2: The Knight
He is the polar opposite of the ghost. Interestingly, your relationship may range anywhere between a five-year relationship with each other’s parents’ numbers on speed dial to the guy you met at a friend of a friend’s party whose name is either Fred or James. Regardless, the news of the pregnancy obviously elicits shock but doesn’t cause him to run away. Instead, he’s kind, comforting, understanding and responsible. He calls to check up on you and even wants to go meet your folks to set things right. Isn’t he just the dream guy?
Obviously, this is rarer than we would hope but regardless, some still exist. This stems from a character of responsibility which pushes them to try their best to ease the situation even though they may be learning on the job just like you are. Be grateful for this one and even if you two don’t end up together in the long-term, your child is beyond blessed to have such a father.
Baby Daddy #3: The Blamer
He’s a lot like the ghost in the sense that they are similarly irresponsible. However, for the blamer, he may not flee or deny paternity. He may even accept it and provide financial support (of course, with a lot of difficulty) but the burden that he becomes afterwards makes you feel like he should just have left because you can’t be taking care of two children. He will go on and on about how you should have used protection (right?), you should have told him you were not on your safe days, you should have stopped him because he has less self-control around you, you should have gone to visit you folks that weekend otherwise you wouldn’t have had sex that day. The “you should have…” shows that he can’t see the dual nature of the process of getting pregnant. It can never be his fault.
With this one, find a reasonable way to handle the situation because often, you as the mother may be at serious risk of emotional, verbal or even physical abuse. Due to the angry and hostile nature of this person, you may need to contemplate whether it really is wise to have him around or not and what that will mean for each of your parental rights. Whatever you decide, prioritize the mental, psychological and physical health of you and your child.
Baby Daddy #4: Genghis Khan
Now this one isn’t too common, or at least I haven’t encountered as many of them but I’ve definitely heard enough stories to make this a separate category. Historically, there was a Chinese emperor born in the mid-1100s who, in the course of his life, had impregnated over 1000 women and currently has over 16 million descendants. Specifically, 1 in every 200 men in the world is his descendant.
I’m not implying that people still procreate in that kind of proportion (or at least I don’t think they do) but you’ve probably heard of those men who have children all over the place so much so that when you get pregnant by him, you’re sure that your child has a sibling before it’s even fully a fetus. In fact, he may even be married (severally) yet he could still either be supportive or stand-offish. Either way, you’re sure you can form a small chama with his baby mamas.
Similar to the blamer, you may need to seriously think about what you want for you and your child. This serial procreator may often not have the resources to support his other children, how much more yours? And even if he does, it’s not reliable support because his demands have him being pulled every which way. Make your decision and have your peace about the outcome.
Baby Daddy #5: Fire and ice
This is the epitome of ‘it’s complicated’ because neither of you are bad people but you just aren’t any good for each other. It may be differing religious beliefs, upbringing, expectations, or even something as simple as communication skills but whatever it is, it’s like forcing two incompatible jigsaw pieces together – it won’t fit. Sometimes you know exactly what the problem is but other times, you can’t quite put your finger on it. Either way, you know that it just isn’t right.
This is often the most prime ground for civil co-parenting where you both have a mature way of handling your parental responsibilities without being together. On the other hand, you may also amicably decide that one parent abdicate parental responsibility for the sake of the growth of each of your own relationships with other people. Either way, you manage to maturely handle the situation.
Identifying the kind of baby daddy you have will determine how you make decisions regarding your child – born or unborn – from that point forward because your pursuit of the wellbeing of your child and yourself is heavily dependent on the relationship of the both of you with the father.
