Goal Setting: 5 steps to achieving goals you set

From new year, new month and even new week resolutions, we seem really good at setting goals but not really achieving them. This comes to mind for me since this is my birthday week and I’m also thinking of goals I want to achieve for my new year; the older and wiser kinda vibe. But I can think of at least 5 goals for this year alone which I’m yet to achieve, not because I’ve had insurmountable challenges but because I’ve mostly been lazy. It sounds really harsh saying it out loud but I’m trying to just be real and accountable with myself. Regardless, there’s a process I’m learning to commit myself to to help me be more effective in reaching my goals because my success often leads to a better me as a mum, wife, friend and person. So what is this process we can use to be more successful in achieving these goals?

1. Define what success means to you

This has to be the first step because it gives a clear picture of what you’re working towards. Someone said “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will lead you there.” As long as you don’t know what you’re working towards, anything will be good enough. Have a target you’re aiming at. Success for you may be to spend more quality time with your child, reading a book a month, being on your phone less, intentionally creating a habit of gratitude. It could literally be anything! You have to know what you’re trying to achieve to know if it’s attainable and it’s worth your while; just because you can do it doesn’t mean that you should. Let it be personal and truly from your own desire to be better and not to prove how much better you are than someone else. What is YOUR picture of success?

2. Prioritize

You may have health, financial, relational, spiritual and educational goals. While they may all be something you want to achieve, it’s not rational to imagine that it can all be done at once. Putting such pressure on yourself will often lead to burnout and frustration which will most likely get you off track due to disappointment in failing to meet your goals. I’ll give my example. I always loved the idea of a put-together parent with a perfectly well-behaved child which includes courteous greeting and well-dressed and clean look. For all of you who are parents, you know that this is only in the movies (on a good day). In reality, it doesn’t always happen like this. One thing that I had to learn was that what I teach and instill in my child is way more important that what people see on the surface. I then had to prioritize making time to intentionally teach her truth and ideals that I knew would be valuable. I made time for Bible bedtime stories to teach her about faith, I was keen to discipline bad behavior to teach her how to be a useful member of society and I spent more time with her doing random things like watering the plants and baking inedible cookies because I want her to know that I’ll never be too busy for her. I’m not yet at the point of making her hair (she has short hair) or having her play a perfect piece on the piano (she hasn’t shown any interest) because we aren’t there yet. What is your current priority? What can you do

3. Be realistic and patient

No two people can have the same set of specific goals because we are all different and therefore desire different things in life. We also have different sets of circumstances governing our lives so what may be possible for one person may not be possible for someone else and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It just takes serious introspection and honesty with yourself and situation to know what would be realistic goals. I once tried to totally remove carbs from my diet in the spirit of living healthier. I know there’s people who do well with the cold turkey approach but that’s not me. I felt like I was living in someone else’s body. I had to learn that I work best when I do little changes at a time. In my case therefore, I had to be patient with myself and commit to one small step at a time. Unfortunately, I got to my target but then I spoilt myself by eating badly during the honeymoon and I’m yet to get back to where I was but at least I know I can. I want to start again. More importantly, any goal that’s worth achieving takes time. Whether one month one year or five. So commit yourself to the process knowing that it won’t happen overnight. Is your goal worth the patience it needs?

4. Make accommodation for success

There’s no way you can work towards quitting alcohol when your weekend plans all revolve around the club, house parties and friends who never miss an opportunity to have one…or ten “for the road”. Any change worth making will involve a lifestyle change to accommodate the realization of the set goal. Someone said that it won’t be about getting rid of a bad habit, but replacing it with a good habit. If your Friday evenings are spent at the club, replace that slot of time with reading a book or learning a musical instrument. Whenever you identify something that you want to change, support it with other helpful changes in your lifestyle which improve the chances of achieving the overall goal. Another way to keep on track may be to stay accountable. It may be an individual or group that helps you to keep you to meet milestones and celebrate successes. So then what changes can you make to insure your success?

5. Run your own race

It would be nice to have a car, a house, a supportive father for your child and a few less inches on the waist would be a welcome perk. But that isn’t always the case. We all have circumstances that govern our lives, and by extension, they determine the achievement of our goals. Therefore, one of the most detrimental attitudes we can have towards life is that of comparison. We look at the neighbor with the nice car, colleague with a supportive husband, cousin with the well-paying job, and wish that we could have the same. The truth is, we never know what put them in that place. We only see what we can from the surface, we don’t know the whole story. I remember hearing people talk about how “strong” I was during my pregnancy and how it was as if I took it in stride and successfully managed to go through that period. Truth is, I cried almost every night since the conception for almost a year. But I would wake up the next morning, wash my face and hold my head high. There’s always a part of the story that you don’t know. Therefore, when you have the goals you’d like to achieve, seek inspiration but be careful not to fall into the trap of comparison. What do you need to stop comparing to others? In what areas do you need to intentionally run your own race?

Goals are admirable and when we make them, it’s because they improve our lives. Stick to the process and be willing to put in the work that it takes to reach those goals. The process is simple but sticking to it may not always be easy. Regardless, it’s worth it. It not only helps you become better, it helps you to prove to yourself that your achievement of one goal can translate into other bigger and more complex ones.

Next week, we’ll learn about more specific lifestyle changes which will allow us to reach our goals more successfully because they form the foundation of how well our visions can be achieved. I hope you’ll be here to learn with me!