One journey, many roads

For by grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.
Romans 12:3 (NIV)

Over the past month or so, I’ve really been thinking about the issue of diversity in a singular experience; the way different people encounter the same problem but under varied circumstances. Think about the common saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” It shows that there’s an option; its outcome is not set in stone. I mentioned this analogy in a previous blog, ‘The Qualified Disqualification’, about a story of two sons who had an alcoholic father. One son became a heavy drinker like his father but the other never tasted alcohol in his life. The one son was asked “Why do you drink so much?” and the other was asked “Why don’t you drink at all?”, and they each answered “Because I saw my father drinking.” Here, what killed one (figuratively), made the other stronger.

I think back to my own life as a single mum. The journey from pregnancy until now has been a tough one but God’s grace has been sufficient. I used to view my pain as one that was unbearable and how having gone through it, I was able to be of help to others who find themselves on the path that I did. It was only when I actively began to talk to these individuals that I found out in a quick second that I need to reevaluate my thinking. I saw how different my story was from theirs. Often, I felt blessed to have had the support that I did because many of them didn’t. Others had major life issues and the pregnancy just added to it. At that point, I started to feel inadequate to help. While I really had been through quite the share of “hell and high water,” some experiences I listened to made mine look like a walk in the park!

Pride could be what’s stopping us from seeing that our way isn’t the only way. Feeling superior in one’s experiences only makes you a know-it-all, and no one likes a know-it-all. The other end of the spectrum is ignorance. The sheltered nature of your circumstances may not have adequately exposed you to a diversity of other experiences. I think I was particularly guilty of this one. I had to take a step back and think about what I was really doing. I was trying to help them solve their problem with my solution which, often kind of worked but sometimes didn’t. It wasn’t that I had bad advice, I just didn’t have the right or relevant advice. It made me realize that even when our starting point and intended ending point are the same, the road may not be straight, it may be a maze. Some paths may lead to a dead end, other paths may have traps on the way, some may even be much longer than others, but the point is always to do your best to get to that end. It may be diverse and that’s okay. God put diversity into the very core of His creation because it makes life beautiful.

And so, I believe it’s important to seek to understand where someone comes from – their circumstances – before imposing certain opinions on them in the name of helping them to “take your advice.” Secondly, and more importantly, I believe it’s important to respect diversity in circumstances and tailor your help to suit the present need. Are their constants? Definitely! For example, I personally believe that God is the first and absolute source of help regardless of the circumstance. The rest may vary but that doesn’t change. Seek understanding and practice respect even when, and especially when, dealing with situations with varied circumstances. In this way, we effectively offer help without pride or ignorance.