The place of grace

“Of course we do not dare classify ourselves or compare ourselves with those who rate themselves so highly. How stupid they are! They make up their own standards to measure themselves by, and they judge themselves by their own standards!”
2 Corinthians 10:12 (GNT)

Being a young mum, standards of how to raise a child can really intimidate you. Right from the pregnancy and the transition into motherhood, there’s just so much that you feel the need to keep up with and right now in the age of social media, our comparison tendencies are now on steroids! You see the baby bump photos with the well-done hair and makeup, comfortably leaning on the perfect father of the child. You see the beautiful hair of the three-year-old girl combed into cute little buns and embellished in glittery accessories. You see the two-year-old boy who happens to have quite the amazing wardrobe making you wonder if he’s a fashion line ambassador, and the list goes on and on. We are constantly baited to compare and compete.

Personally, I remember when my daughter was four months old, I had to make the most difficult decision in my life of having to leave her with my parents so that I could resume my studies (the problem was the leaving, not my parents. They’re amazing. Lol!) and I felt like I was choosing my school over my child – that she would feel detached from me and I wouldn’t be able to repair the damage my leaving would cause. Mothers should prioritize their children above everything else. Like people say “I’m a mum first!”, right? In hindsight, I was honestly being overly dramatic! Regardless, I chose to go back to school anyway and I don’t regret it.

Often, we want to live up to people’s, society’s, or even our own unreasonable standards of what we should be which eventually fastens the noose we put on our necks. It’s worse when you’re a mum under circumstances similar to mine and you want to prove yourself as being able to hold your own just fine – the dangerous temptation of overcompensation. We forget that this life isn’t designed for us to win at it through our own strength. Raising a child is hard work but thank God for His grace! God’s grace says “I will strengthen you for your journey. It may not be what you think it should be but you’re gonna love it!” God’s grace overshadows our instinct for competition and comparison and shifts our focus to our own race.

By God’s grace, I have so many blessings in my life: I am raising a caring and joyful little girl, I have been able to finish my Bachelor’s and Master’s degree and hoping to begin my PhD, I have enjoyed the support of my family in ways I would never have known possible if it wasn’t for my pregnancy, I have found a man I love and who loves me and my daughter in a way that I would never have imagined, and I have been able to impact young women’s lives through my pain and helped them look forward to an unseen but hopeful future. Do I have my “I don’t think I’m enough” days? Absolutely! But my comfort is knowing that it’s not all on my shoulders. I don’t need to burden myself with cares that I know I’m not built to carry. Instead, I place them on the shoulders of The One who knows all my limitations and more than gladly helps me through it. I don’t owe anyone the courtesy or calmness of my child. I don’t owe anyone my hair and makeup done, adorned in 6-inch heels with my child obediently in tow – anyone who knows me knows that this sight would be truly one to behold – but I run my race towards being the best mum God has called ME to be. Romans 13:8 says “Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.”

So, what comparisons are you making today that bring you down rather than lift you up? And how can you make a place for God’s grace in your life today? As someone once said “Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and moon. They shine when it’s their time.”