Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
Since the time of my pregnancy, there are several parts of that season that I don’t remember and I always wondered why I couldn’t recall much. Apparently, the way the mind works, when you go through a traumatic time, it sometimes blocks out that period in your subconscious as a self-defense mechanism. Correct me if I’m wrong but I believe that’s what I found out. Anyway, on this journey of sharing my story, I asked that God would uncover some of the stuff that was buried deep in there because I couldn’t be effective or relevant if I didn’t. I remember praying that prayer almost in tears because it would mean reliving a horrible time in my life and it wasn’t pretty.
One of the things I remember is the darkness of depression. The thoughts fueled by low self-worth and established by habits consistent with a negative attitude towards myself. These thoughts sounded something like “You probably deserve this after not listening to your parents” “God must be punishing me for straying from the faith”, “No man will want you now that you have a baby.” And the list goes on. These thoughts went on as far as two or three years after I had my child. I couldn’t see myself as someone worthy of much more than breath in my body. And for the world, it was easy to hide. Smiling and laughing during friendly conversation, attending church and acting the part, even making fun of the challenges of motherhood. But the thoughts never went away.
But it all changed when I made a choice to return to my faith. Like really go back and make it right. It wasn’t the quick “Hi! Bye!” kind of relationship but the “I screwed up big time and I can’t possibly do this without you. I’ve tried it my way and we’ve seen the spectacular mess that has been. Now I need You to do it Your way” kind of brokenness. At that point, my thoughts began to change. It was really slow but more and more, I started to catch myself in a cycle of certain negative thoughts. I started to understand that my thought patterns were all a matter of choice and those choices could change. And praise Jesus for the scriptures which actually started to become relevant because for every negative thought, there were countless scriptures countering it.
The point of all this is that we end up as products of our own thought patterns regardless of how good or bad they are. Unfortunately, and especially in cases like mine of negativity, they often go on for so long that it forms our reality. We literally don’t know any other way. But we have to intentionally remain aware of our thoughts. Catch yourself in your bad thoughts, encourage yourself in the good thoughts and know that all of it is a choice. Jesus, as He was about to go into the suffering before the crucifixion was aware that it was gonna go south real quick after his betrayal and whatever happened each time would be worse than what happened before but His thoughts were consistent with humility, hope, and obedience. He obviously didn’t enjoy it but He knew that it wasn’t God’s Will to prolong the suffering any longer than was necessary because He’s not sadistic like that.
My challenge to you is that you treat your thoughts as a choice. Your thoughts inform your habits which inform your reality and ultimately your entire existence. Things can get tough but let your thoughts be stayed on joy, on hope, on love and on faith. It’s easier said that done but thankfully, I’m speaking from experience. It can be done. So what thoughts are you entertaining today, and what negative thing do you need to catch yourself thinking?
