From the outside looking in

Listening to deep philosophy and theological teaching is a thing I love to do as I walk to work in the morning. I find that it makes productive use of my 20-minute walk to work (which I miss terribly in this quarantine period!). So this day, I was listening to Ravi Zacharias, one of my favorite speakers and authors EVER. He said, and I quote “It is interesting to notice while all of us may not violate all the commandments, we are generally very proud of the ones we keep and we have no sympathy with those who are violators in areas where we ourselves are virtuous.” Now, I’ve heard this particular teaching before but it didn’t strike me like it did this time. It made me think, “Isn’t that what we do? What I do?” I feel misunderstood when someone ‘judges’ me but when someone slips and falls in an area I don’t naturally find slippery, I often point the finger.

That’s precisely what happened before I got pregnant. I would see a few people get pregnant around me (and back then, it really was few people), I would wonder why they would let their guard down like that. Didn’t they respect themselves? The least they could do was use protection, right? Then I got pregnant. Lol! Then it wasn’t so simple anymore. It wasn’t about your guard, self-respect or even contraception. It was just me doing what people do: fall.

I experienced the other end of the stick and it was horrible! Thinking back, it made me ask myself “Is that how I made someone feel? Is that how I thought of them? I mean, you do reap what you sow after all.” Ladies and gentlemen, it sucks.

Like Ravi Zacharias says, “…we have no sympathy with those who are violators in areas where we ourselves are virtuous” and isn’t that the truth? I remember the piercing gazes and judgmental eyes. I remember my painful walks down the streets with my chin up but a wailing heart. I remember the rude unsolicited comments and inquisitive hypocritical questions.

But I also remember the love from some few around me who stuck it out. The embrace of those I tried to push away but they never left. The encouragement of those who did not understand the darkness I was in but tried to shine the light anyway. The ones who took it upon themselves to remind me of the ‘bright side’ even when that was nothing more than a metaphor to me. I thank God for them each day.

What’s my point really? We never truly understand this thing called life. But the same way we would want to be understood, let us CHOOSE to understand others. I don’t mean accommodate stupidity or encourage misbehavior. I mean extend grace even when you don’t know what to say. Love even when it seems unnatural. Be kind as it often costs you nothing. Because at that point, you’ll be sowing what you’d like to reap in your time of need. This is my two cents for those on the outside looking in.